“Comics” of depression

//A somber posting today, void of cuteness and my typical happy demeanour. This is something I feel very strongly about and believe it’s extremely important. Thanks for bearing with me.//

I felt that this post on Buzzfeed was imperative to share with anyone who may be reading. As I’m sure I’ve said before I suffer from severe depression that borders on Bi-Polar II disorder. For years I’ve had people tell me that I’m just sad and to get over it. This is the first time that I’ve truly not felt alone in my suffering. To know that respected artists out there are trying to raise awareness for this debilitating disease means the world to me.

While I’m lucky that for the most part my medications keep me stable. I still have ups and downs, but they are less extreme and more like what I’d imagine “normal” to be like. Though there are still days where I don’t see the light I have a permanent reminder of just how strong I can really be: my tattoo. I have a single tattoo that is a symbolization of my strength and of those who helped me when things looked as though they would never get better. I have it in a spot special only to me, where only I can see it and be reminded every day that it does get better.

What my readers may not know is that I’m dealing with an extreme amount of grief right now that’s related to someone else’s depression. In May my first love took his life. I’m not coping with it well at all. I have an appointment with the school counsellors to start working through this. His death, while I hadn’t talked to him in 5 years, has hit me hard for many reasons. One (of many) of which is it’s forcing me to remember my own depression-related path and of when I seriously considered taking my own life.

But I digress…

What I really want to do is post this link so that if you don’t suffer from depression you might start to understand it better when your best friend or family member just can’t get up in the morning or your co-worker misses work when they’re perfectly “healthy”. Share this as much as you can and maybe one day the working  and social world will begin to not frown so heavily on someone who is “just sad”. Each of these “comics” ring true for me. I found myself crying by the end of reading them because they were all soul bearing comics.

Just remember, if you suffer from depression know that you are not alone. I hate it when people say that because so often just knowing that more people go through what you experience isn’t enough. There are somedays that get so bad that sheer sympathetic understanding isn’t enough. But maybe, just maybe, the more people that are out there that really understand what you’re suffering will begin a revolution that brings change in the stigma that is depression and we can embrace one another with open arms no matter what the situation. As the posts finishes:

Because we all need more hugs. ❤

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(* ̄m ̄)

//Start Rant//

Really? REALLY? Really. It’s the second week of classes, my fourth math class today and we just wrote a midterm. Yup, you read Angry mini bearthat correctly. Math 100 apparently likes to rape it’s victims – sorry, students. The last week and a half have been hectic and hell. I’m behind in all my readings and note taking. Not the way I wanted to start my triumphant return to University.

Thankfully as of 5 pm that’s all done with for a week or two.  -`д´- I mean I guess I expected it. Culinary school was a breeze for me, probably because it came second nature. I write my exams before 5 pm with the RCSD (resource centre for students with disabilities) – I have severe test anxiety due to my chemical imbalance – because of this I wrote my exam from 2-5pm instead of with everyone else at 630pm. Yup, they’ve started scheduling exams at night so that all the sections of a course can write them together at the same time. Why? Because of cut backs. Thank you Mr. Education minister. Your cut backs of 16% this year has now trickled down onto the students and not just in their tuition. ((( ̄へ ̄井)

//End Rant//
Lace black-teal

This weekend my plans consist of welcoming home my Mom back from sprucing up the Edmonton house for selling it, going to chapters and getting calculus for dummies, getting an ipad mini for all my retardedly heavy textbooks so I can have them as ebooks and have them at school, and catching up!

In other news I’ve finally gotten into the Walking Dead series. F-cking addictive much? Course I knew it would be as I really do love zombie stuff.  (¬‿¬) Whelp, it’s time for bed. So happy to get a decent sleep tonight… well with luck that is.

Sweet Dreams!Sleepy kitty cloud

 

Week 1.5

Happy march of the emotes

So it’s been a week and a half of school now and so far I’m loving being back. I’m enjoying all of my classes, despite Math being killer! I’ve made a few friends right off the bat which is AWESOME! ヾ(^-^)ノ I’m not going to lie I was a little worried that I wouldn’t. But as a close friend of mine reminded me: I’m awesome, I’m bound to make friends. I think making friends here has also been helped by the fact that I went to orientation and got this awesome little booklet of surviving first year. A tidbit in the book said to just strike up a conversation with the people next to me, after all they’re in their first year as well and are just as lost and nervous as me! So far it’s worked GREAT!

Actually my closest friend here so far I met after class when I said and asked a question to the teacher. She has this great method of staying after class and listening to the questions that everyone else is asking the prof for extra learning benefit. Excited arm shakeCan you say BEST IDEA EVER!? It’s sad that the only class I cannot do this in is Chemistry as my Chem and Physics are back to back. Oh well, so far Chemistry has been really straight forward. Dr. Briggs is a great teacher and I enjoy his style so I don’t forsee any issues that I might have in this area.

I’ve made a few other friends because of her too! Oh yeah, “she” is Thea (pronounced Tia) – you know for future reference.  (☆^ー^☆) The other friend whom I see becoming close to is Jakob. He’s a “technical” first year like me. He attempted twoClapping HK years of electrical engineering a few years ago and like most of us first years drank and partied too much. He then went on to get his welding ticket and has been working in the field in, coincidentally, Edmonton. He’s currently planning on going back into engineering but for computing science this time around. He wants to do software development. Very cool.

I just met Tyler today who is in my physics class and now my lab partner. He got his degree in Philosophy 7 or so years ago and has now realized that there isn’t much of a financially secure future in it thus he’s returned to school. He gave me some awesome advice today about my math class (he’s having to retake them): there’s links to video content on our homework site and they work through the lecture material at a slower pace; with the availability to REWIND! So glad I now know about this. I think that this weekend I’ll give the videos a go and see if they help. If they do but not enough then my plan is to get a tutor. Better to start early and get everything down pat!

Winnie the pooh emoticons

As for the move… well our stuff finally got here on the first day of classes September 4th. I’m happy that I had my stuff for

Mail many faces of writing

second day at least. Thankfully during orientation we got these nifty little backpacks full of awesome stuff and one thing was a notebook! SO great. I meant that I actually had paper to write on. (●⌒∇⌒●) It took us all weekend to unpack it which means I really didn’t study this last weekend but the plan is to study study study this weekend to make up! Can’t let myself get behind.

Hoofing it around campus has been fun…ish. I’ve had to re-invest in a cane for the fact that people are rude and push into Happy friends with youyou if you’re just walking slowly. Now at least they have so much more respect and go around me. I’ve even had the majority of people hold open doors, let me sit at the front of the bus, give me the good seats in class… it’s really been the best thing EVER. Plus I got myself a spiffy rainbow butterfly cane from Shoppers. Now to make a crocheted wrist band so I can keep a hold of it better! Of course the key here is finding time.

Mom’s headed back to Edmonton for the week to get the house ready to go back on the market. She’s there to supervise the installation of the granite countertops and to clean the place from top to bottom. But the most important reason she Love planetwent back is to attend the wedding of her dear friend Sandra. Sandra is somewhat of an idol to me. She’s 45+ and this is her first marriage. Up until now she’s always had cats and a MOTM – Man Of The Month. (*^ワ^*)Then she met Jean and it’s really been a love story. Gives me hope for being older and still finding true love.

That’s it for now! I’m just waiting for my chemistry class to start and I think I’m going to read my heafty math textbook seeing as I dragged it all this way and it’s freaking HEAVY, especially combined with my computer and other materials ☆⌒(>。≪). Cheers!

Tomorrow!

Searching hamsterSo I’m still sitting in a hotel room fretting the fact that our moving truck is STILL not here. And I start school… TOMORROW!!! Hopes dashed once again. Our moving company has said that the truck will arrive anywhere from August 31st to September 9th. What the — REALLY?! We loaded on August 27th. We had hoped that loading it early like that would garuntee a decent delivery time. It’s a two day trip. They have two other moves on the truck as ours this time around is a small one. But COME ON! Our stuff is in the middle of the truck and you’re telling me that it’s taken a week for the other move to get the hell out of the way?

//START rant//
Angry hard coreI’m a little more than miffed for the Universe just feels like it’s constantly against me. Yes, I know I have my health and wealth and bla bla bla. But it doesn’t change that nothing good really happens anymore. It’s as though I finally have one good thing happen and it’s nothing but bad for months on end after it. I strongly believe in Karma so what the frak have I done that is so bad? I suffered through a decade of being bullied wasn’t that bad enough? Nope apparently not. ヽ(o`皿′o)ノ
//END rant//

Lace cream-pink

So I’m not sure if I’ve spoken of this before but I love to watch people playing video games. Odd enjoyment I know, however it’s the only way I actually get to see more than just a snippet of the game. I’m not the best player as I get frustrated easily and have a tendency to just give up on a game for a while when I start loosing or I get stuck. Thus I have a bunch of games where I’ve been stuck for a decade. (ノ)´∀`(ヾ) The main reason for that is that I’m also extremely stubborn and refuse to cheat by looking up the solution. For the last two years I’ve also been living with only one TV set and when I’m at the TV so is my Mom so I don’t get the time to play my xbox or playstation anymore. Therefore I really like watching video games so I can see the parts of games I’d probably never get too. I never Random NESthought of this previously but people have posted their walkthroughs on YouTube… ⊙0⊙ How did I not know this previously!! Therefore, I’ve just discovered the joy of the game Portal (behind the times I know). I’ve always known about the game and knew it’s awesomeness but it’s been fun to experience it first hand. I’m also a big fan of the plot summaries on Wikipedia. It’s really explained a lot about the games I’ve always loved but never knew their whole stories. So I’ve read the plots of Portal 1 & 2 and understand what they’re about. Really interesting stories actually and I’d love to read the comic that was released about Rattman. Ooop, my hardcore nerd side coming out right here! (#^.^#) None-the-less I’ve skimmed through the walkthroughs of those two games on YouTube now and am currently obsessed with the tongue and cheek songs that were featured in the closing credits. Been listening to them on repeat ad-nauseum for a day now. Bwahahahahahha. I think my next venture on the walkthrough circuit will be a return to my young adulthood and revisit Half-Life. Stick with the same universe for a bit and then I think I’ll view the Bio-Shock series. Awesome. (°∀°)b

Fun Times!

Yesterday I participated in the “Jump Start Tour” of my University. It was a lot of fun actually and I learned a lot about the different buildings on campus and the services available to us. Although I knew most of these already it was nice to know where each of the services were housed. That being said it turns out that my feet are a lot worse than I thought. ( TДT)I ended up in a significant amount of pain yesterday and slower moving than ever. This is both good and bad. Good is that I know more about my limits and to make sure to mentioned my disability to the leaders of my group (#2!) on Tuesday at Sad Cry sheepthe full day orientation. Bad is that my feet aren’t as healed as I thought they were which feeds into my fears that the rhumatologist is correct that they may never heal and only continue to deteriorate.

Alas I will remain ever hopeful. Now that I’m fully registered and my fees will soon be paid it means that I, once again, for the first time since 2008 have benefits!!  (((o(*゚▽゚*)o))) This is a very large source of excitement for me as I am on a number of prescription medications and through my school plan I get 80% coverage up to $250 per year per alternative therapy. Which means that I get to visit a physio therapist and get proper exercises to heal this issue. My best friend tore her ACL and through physio didn’t have to have surgery on it so I have high hopes for this venture! Also the school rec programs Excited gir yayhave deep water aqua-aerobics! WAHOO! No more looking like a creep in little old lady aquasize programs. SO excited. Now to research this huffla about gel nails and chlorine. I really hope it isn’t true. I don’t want to give up my nails. (>y<)

Holy Carp!

Freaking outas;ljwkbw;j;oiwe;foaetg;lwr;j;kjbx!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning is my “jump start tour” of the campus and while waking up it dawned on me that there are four days until school.

FOUR.

DAYS.

Freak out collaspeNow don’t get me wrong. I’m so excited that it hurts. I have a feeling that the next few days of sleeping will be interrupted.  (((o(*゚▽゚*)o)))

 

Meow Mix

Late rabbitSo the time is approaching… QUICKLY. (✪㉨✪) LIKE UBER quickly. We leave on Wednesday. And then it’s only a short week until school starts. I’m nervous, excited and terrified all at the same time. I mean this is my first time in formal education in 10 years. Yes, I did attend college for Culinary School but that was pretty much just playing all day. (。♥‿♥。) I adored the format of culinary arts! We had a total of five classes (normalé) but the semester was split up completely different from any other post secondary school I had ever attended. We had two theory classes a semester and three practical classes. Two days a week we’d study in regular classrooms for about an hour. This was after a full day (7am – 12pm) of cooking. We were split into three sections and each month we’d study a separate section. I LOVED only having two real subjects a month. It meant no exams were scheduled on the same day; we could concentrate on one subject, learn it inside and out and then move onto the next. Needless to say this (triumphant) return to post secondary education will be a shock to the system. (ಠ益ಠ”)

Thankfully I have four subjects each semester in my first year, I’m keeping it light for the sheer fact that I _can_. I Love rocktook two years at University previously and it’s helped me out (and not, but that’s another story). Due to the classes that I took they’ve all transferred so I don’t have to take anymore extemporaneous classes. I can just take the core classes that I need. This makes life a heck of a lot easier for me – no bullsh*te courses to have to suffer through (again.) ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ YAY! Thus I only have to take four classes each semester this year. Of course the load is a lot higher due to the fact that every single one of those eight classes involve labs. (ノ>ノ) I figure if I stay positive I’ll be able to do them no problem!

Lace color-pinkIn other news packing is coming along greatly! For the most part, with the exception of perishables, kitchen tools I use all the time, and cleaning products & tools. I think that’s going perfectly on schedule! I’d say I’ll take the day off tomorrow buuuuuuttt…. I’ll get to cleaning the house best I can, hiding boxes that are staying behind. I did some of that today but /(x~x)\ I pulled my back out AGAIN. And of course to top it all off the box moving killed my feet. I’m just hoping to be able to stand tomorrow. *fingers crossed*
On Tuesday, after the movers come I’m SOOOOOOO (like SOOoOOOOOOoOOOO) excited!!, we are heading to Cook pooh bearmy all time favourite curry place: Lan’s Asian Grill. I’m really going to miss this place. My Dad introduced my family to it when he was working at NAIT. It is the best place for Thai and Vietnamese in town. Tom, the owner, was vegan for 11 years which means his vegetarian menu is epic. Yes I know, strange for a chef to love vegetarian food. But I really do. I really find that good vegetarian food is hard to make. Most Chefs believe that vegetarian dish means some combination of grilled eggplant, zucchini, roast peppers, portabello mushrooms and cheese. Seriously people it’s the worst combination EVER. I love zucchini, peppers and portabellos; adore cheese (hate eggplant) but together they just SUUUUUUUCK. I have quite a few friends who are vegetarians and when we go out it’s nice to have a place that’s AWESOME. It’s also awesome for my friends who are allergic to fish to be able to enjoy thai cuisine safely.

Well that’s it for today! Time for dinner of salmon tartare and corn on the cob. Yup, that’s how I roll. ヾ(^∇^)